I'm Too Self-Conscious to Sleep Comfortably

It's been a week now since I've last smoked weed. It has been less harder than I thought it would be. After smoking almost every day for two years, I think, I feel no urges to run to my nearest dealer for a 'fix'. I have noted some changes in me however: I eat a lot less than before, when I used to smoke. I used to have many snacks between meals, sometimes those 'snacks' were meals. I now go through the day eating only two meals: breakfast and dinner. I feel better kind of. It turns out I like not being sleepy all the time, or lazy, or comfortable staying in bed for a long time. I think weed works as a kind of opium; anesthetic for your body. It's sometimes The Only Interesting Thing About Your Life. It numbs you and I liked being numb, but only for as long as I was numb, which is why now Sober Me feels a little more... alive? Aware?

Jesuschrist, who would've thought.

A more negative consequence, that's driving me fucking nuts, is my lack of sleep. It might be a consequence of having gone to sleep stoned almost every night for two years or maybe something else, but it's also been a week since I've gotten a good night's sleep. I go to bed around 12, only to be laying around, 'tossing and turning' for hours, with my eyes closed, yet fully aware and thinking. It makes me feel really stupid and it's frustrating. I can't stop thinking. It's a vicious cycle. I go to bed and can't sleep. Consequently, I begin thinking of things: the future, sex, girls, conspiracy theories, The Economy, school, and then I'm too awake to sleep. I switch sides from my bed, throw on some blankets, take them off and then eventually, after three hours of battling against my own thoughts, fall asleep.

It wouldn't be so bad if I could stay asleep but no. I wake up an average of three times in a night, after the third I just stay awake. It is the thought "I can't sleep" that I blame for my sleeping irregularities. Once I think that, the cycle starts. But I can't avoid it. Today I'm going to CVS to buy some Ambien. It is my last resort, because I know how chemicals affect me or whatever. But I'm too tired.

I may smoke weed again in the future.

I feel embarrassed/relatively neutral abt the riots in

But I have to 'recognize' win when I see it.

When I'm on Facebook it feels like a room

Like if I was in a room

And people suddenly appear

And then you talk to people about things that don't matter

Poop comes out of your mouth and it's great

I don't need parents

Humans aren't connected to anyone at all

I Fell Asleep With A Lighter as a Heart

I fell asleep with a lighter as a heart,

it's off.

Living lief

These are macros I made on Paint with lines from this poem, by Steve Roggenbuck:

I chose these lines because of their rich poetic imagery and how easy it is to transform/illustrate these allegories.

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