i hope the world ends while i'm
still alive

you could do anything you wanted
because it
wouldn't matter

it would be the only moment in your life
that you're really
free

murder me in the newspaper with the wind

tackle me passiontly between
a rose bush and you

just kidding
who do you think i am, payton manning?
fuck payton manning and his wife

it is rumored that payton manning makes a cameo
in every commercial that has ever existed.
even as a child

what the fuck does
payton manning have to do with the way i love you?

why i'm not on instagram

my phone doesn't have internet so i can't

even if i did,

• i wouldn't because it would make me feel too vulnerable. knowing that potentially [three digit number] of followers know what i am looking at, what i am doing or where i am at one moment makes me feel incredibly overwhelmed and exposed
• i really do not need another social media thing that requires my constant attention. it is difficult to keep up with all the things i already have (twitter, facebook, blogger and tumblr). sometimes, with constant new chapbooks and collections of poetry being released by friends, it feels as if i'm 'staying behind' because i don't release anything new every week. i can't
• i just don't do things. i will not take pictures of a beautiful mountain that looks like it's from the 60's or a dreamy picture of what i am about to eat because i spend ~87% of my time in front of my computer, alone in my room. 
• it seems instigating, maybe i'm biased

i don't know

I'm not sure if I was nostalgic or feeling old about things I used to do on the internet and don't do anymore.

"Cybergrowth"

Like go on funnyjunk.com or miniclip.

"Cybernostalgia"

There is a generation of tweens who cannot understand evaluating/appreciating a relationship via MySpace top friends.

A person who went into a comma around 2k7 and just got out of it and logs into MySpace and is like "where did everybody go?"

I liked a girl once, and she liked me back but didn't want to be my girlfriend because she was only my 4th friend on my top friends. I'm pretty sure that was why.

But my headline and my song were about her so

I correlate Panic! at the Disco with MySpace

a person at the gym asked me
"what are you working on today?"

i thought i'd say
"my emotional stability"

but just "back and biceps"

i don't wanna be your friend request i just wanna be your lover

i want to watch bruce willis movies together on my bed
especially the fifth element
over and over again

always together and never quiet

i like to think of you cooking for me

you are the only top friend in the myspace profile of my heart

i had a dream where people put earbuds on as soon as they woke up
and instantly, their mp3 players would begin 'playing' an infinite loop of degrading, personal insults in a calm, authoritative voice
and everyone just left them on all day

it'd say things like:
"you are seriously the worst person i have ever met" or
"you're not good enough" or
"wow, your car really sucks" or
"you're broke" or
"wow, you are so fat and no one is probably ever going to like you"

commercials came up every once in a while

and people just walked around all day and did things while listening to it.

i judge people who aren't capable of judging themselves
seems humanitarian
like i'm making the world a better place
but my own life a little shittier

what a martyr.

i want to make people or one person feel so self-conscious around me that they either look for my constant validation or just do or think exactly like (they know) i would.

we'd be so happy

i mainly only want to kill myself when i'm alone

and it's all your fault

i can only look at your pictures when i'm drunk
and i hate it.

there's nothing to look forward to

"yeah, you're a fucking gangsta if you treat women like objects
you're at the top when you have a stupid amount of money"
and just like that,
they enslaved the youth

chasing after something that is unattainable,
and even if it weren't,
not fulfilling

so sneak that 60 inch screen cause you can
rub yourself against other shells of people
sleep with thirty different women because you can

pretend you're happy,
live empty and
die alone

i'm really scared of not being able to sleep

when i sleep
is the only time i'm not always thinking
but i've been struggling to sleep
more than usual

if i never fell asleep
i'd just think forever
like a robot

that is so scary

i haven't had nice dreams,
like i usually do

i have tense dreams
where i worry about something i have to do
and am somehow not getting it done

i need a prescription for some drug

quisiera estar desnudo contigo toda la vida

eres como una almohada
que me ayuda a olvidar todo
and not feel like shit

te pregunte si dormiriamos juntos
aqui

dijiste que nos iriamos
no teniamos cobijas
pero seguiamos durmiendo a cada rato,
como si no existiera nadie ni nada mas
afuera

que vamos a hacer?

we were leaving on a spaceship

we were leaving earth
because an asteroid or something

our voices sounded deep

something went wrong and there was a 98 percent chance of us dying
i felt good,
for a while

"it's finally happening"

i felt relieved

i explained to you why
our voices sounded deep
we were getting away from the sun so
our voices something

then it was going to happen
our spaceship was gonna float free in space,
nothing keeping us from anything
free from anything
and it felt so comforting

i didn't even care

until you gave me a last kiss


i didn't want to die for the first time.

i was at the carls jr drive thru
and the voice said
"how can i help you today?"

i thought i should ask
"how do i deal with emotional codependence?"
but i just asked for a double western bacon cheese burger

Another Update on Things wow

Well, pretty much thank you Everybody. The reception towards my ebook I'm Going to Fuck. And That's a Place You Little Asshole, Not a Verb.  has been great. I got a bunch of likes, retweets, reblogs and positive feedback from people who matter to me and thank you for that, honestly.

Here are some reviews

Beach Sloth coverage
http://beachsloth.blogspot.com/2012/02/im-going-to-fuck-and-thats-place-you.html

A review on Banango Lit's Valentine's Day Megapost by Walter Mackey (crazy little carnivorous)
http://banangolit.com/post/17671130759/valentines-day-megapost


Honestly thank you everybody.

Now, what Comes Next. I haven't planned to write another collection to release as an ebook any time soon, I feel like I said a lot of the things I've been feeling on I'm Going to Fuck.

I will continue to be an active member of the community. It is Great to be part of this and I love everybody. I will tweet hard as fuck. I will interact with you on Facebook aggressively. I will continue to generate content to upload to Tumblr and will reblog and <3 the shit out of your things.

I intend to keep blogging regularly like I used to. I will blog hard. I hope you 'stick with' and we continue to be friends for a long long time. Watch for more blogging! Be jacked

I'm Going to Fuck. And That's a Place You Little Asshole, Not a Verb.

I'm Going to Fuck and That's a Place You Little Asshole Not a Verb


Thank You

wow rare exclusive leak of two poems

from my first collection which will be released tomorrow

***********************************************************************************

naal's microwave goldfish


naal's microwave goldfish
kills itself every nite
in a beautiful chicken stew



this is a different thing without a title:



i am constructing a house
for both of us to live in

our beautiful silver kitchenware
and some tupperware we bought from your mom

i think we should definitely get a toaster
honestly

i feel like ohio sometimes



wow bonus poem: has already been published on my bloge but is also gonna be included


a person i was playing beerpong with asked his girlfriend
"are you a bad bitch?"
and she said yeah
and he slapped her butt

i got depressed

does that make me a feminist?
i don't know
i feel like hank hill

i sang "ass so fat i need a lapdance"
even though i didn't believe in it

i don't know what i'm doing with my life
i think i have to leave

i spoke to a girl
but she was stupid so i left

am i gonna be alone forever?

i am so fucked

Update on Things

Hello people who read my blog. Thank you for reading this and having ever read/shared/linked my blog. I recently hit the 4k views mark and it felt really nice so thanks. Thanks for your RT's, reblogs and your 'likes', you're way kewl.

I have not been posting on this blog because I've been saving my blog posts to release them all together in a PDF file some time in the near future as some sort of 'collection' thing. I expect to have the desired amount of posts pretty soon so it should be 'out' by the end of February potentially.

I am 81% sure this image macro I made will be the 'final' cover/title of it unless I can come up with something better.

I will include a lot of new work in it as well some things I've already posted. I will try to get things 'leaked' by people.

I hope you are excited. I am. Buzz me please.

Which Alt Lit Persons Are Gonna Kill Themselves

I feel like people in the internet understand me more than people I know IRL.

On the internet -and especially and more noticeably in the 'alt lit scene'- we seem to be bound together by the common themes of existential despair, social anxiety, post-ironic irony and bleakness, all brought about by our heightened level of self-awareness.

Philosopher Albert Camus proposes three solutions to the dilemma of searching from meaning in a meaningless world: acceptance of the absurd, becoming religious/spiritual/ and suicide.

I think it is all narrowed down to whether you've killed yourself yet or not. By not killing yourself you are accepting the retardedness of it all and hoping (at best) that something will go right. By killing yourself you are escaping it all very bravely. Sometimes not being seems more appealing than being.

I've came up with a list of the likeliness of alt lit writers killing themselves. I took into consideration personal brand, published work, social media status updates and interactions I've had with them.

• Steve Roggenbuck- Steve is not going to kill himself. Steve lives his life. Steve loves his life. He loves his wife and children. He loves the life he lives. Steve likes to make people happy and it works. Every time I talk to Steve I feel a little or a lot more boosted. Seems like Steve found something he likes to do and will 'keep him going'. Sometimes I wonder if it is tiring to be Steve Roggenbuck, to be boosted/boosting all the time. I know we all have dark times and I wonder if Steve feels like he can't have dark times. It's okay Stevie bb, cry on my shoulder. <3 u. 
• Ana Carrete- I have not been exposed to as much work by Ana as I have other writers. I read her newly released poetry collection titled Pinky Promise Me This and I liked it a lot. In it, she talks about moving into a house with a lot of people (she presumably likes) and making romantic porn and being happy. This leads me to think Ana feels alienated from the people with whom she would not want to live and does not feel happy with them. She talks about the difficulty she faces when socializing with other girls. I've read some interviews of her and she seems to share the overall fucked feeling we're all familiar with. She follows me on Twitter and has favorited some of my more depressing tweets. I think there's a 38% chance Ana Carrete will kill herself. 
• Tao Lin- I honestly have no idea if Tao Lin would kill himself. It is widely known that Tao is aware of the bleakness of it all (others think he invented it). I have never felt more fucked in my life than when reading Insomnia for a Better Tomorrow from his collection of stories Bed. I have never felt more trapped in a relationship than when reading Richard Yates. It feels as if Tao is so familiar with the bleakness that he can masterfully craft his words to convey such feeling. However, Tao's online presence suggests otherwise. His tweets are the most neutral of things. He narrates his life/thoughts without offering a hint of his attitude towards his own actions/thoughts. He lives an unbiased life. This makes me realize that maybe I am the bleak one for finding such neutral descriptions depressing, but then I realize that they are depressing, life is. So I don't know. I guess I would/wouldn't be surprised if Tao Lin did/didn't kill himself. 
• Jordan Castro- I haven't read much of Jordan Castro's work other than some Thought Catalog articles, about social media I think. I read some poems published by him on Shallow. Jordan seems aware of the bleakness but he tweets pretty funny things, not funny in the sad and funny way but as in comical. I've seen some videos of him: the Alt Lit Gossip Awards and his interview with Megan Boyle. Seems like he's on drugs a lot. That seems like a viable way of dealing with reality. I think Jordan Castro will probably not kill himself but if he does it will be an (accidental) drug overdose. 
• Megan Boyle- Seems like Megan Boyle is very neutral as well. I remember in her book selected unpublished blogposts of a mexican panda express employee, all her things read with a lot of detachment with occasional details that made it strangely personal. In her interview by Jordan Castro, Megan seems like she is okay. She talks about her relationships in the past and how she expects the other person to 'be each other'. I understand what she means and it feels very fucked because no one can be exactly like you, even though it sounds ideal. She feels condemned but then she laughs so it seems like she's accepting it. I don't know, this is hard to determine, but I think there's a 18% chance that Megan Boyle will kill herself. 
• Spencer Madsen- Spencer Madsen is the most depressing person I know on the internet. I've read some of his poetry and it's pretty depressing too. Most of my perception of him comes from his tweets, which I enjoy, because they're so depressing. I saw a video of him eating squid things with a cute Asian girl yesterday and, though awkward, he seemed okay. I feel like even though Spencer is depressed as fuck he's still got some hope or something. But then again we all have hope because we haven't killed ourselves yet, so I don't know. I just don't think Spencer would kill himself. 
• Sam Pink- Sam Pink is going to kill himself, it's just a matter of time. He said it himself. Sam Pink is hyper-aware of the fuckedness of it all. I like reading his Formspring advice column. Yesterday somebody asked him "what is life?" and he crafted a beautiful, meaningful response, in the sense that I totally understood what he is saying. He senses the tiredness of everything. Everything feels old and like it's been done. This is incredibly depressing. He lists all the changes he has made in his life and how these haven't reflected at all in his attitude towards people and life in general. Seems like there's a need to change [something] in one to make things better, but even as we change and keep changing everything keeps going to shit. Sam Pink said he'd kill himself when he got tired of making books, music and drawings. 

i think of not long ago
every time i'm trying to sleep
so maybe i can dream of you
or me with you

we never did so many things

you're so graceful
like a sea otter
and i just want to swim

i'm like a windows '98 screensaver at nite
and you were beautiful
at the same time

how can you honestly know another person?
seems impossible
unless you could be that other person

i wish we could sync
with one another's brains
like in ghost in the shell

seems like the only possible way
to get to know another person

everyone puts on a mask
of who they want to be
and kind of just become that person
to everyone outside of them
but inside are another person

how can anyone who is not me
know anything about me?

"no one can know who you really are but yourself"

that sounds motivational
i didn't mean it like that
i meant it in the depressing way

we are all so fucked

i want you to be able to
know how i feel
when i'm listening to a specific song

i want to bake you a pizza
then feed it to you
in your mouth
slice by slice

we're going to bond

i'm going to lay my head on your lap
and you will pick my hair
and i'll be very comfortable

we're not gonna go anywhere