For your happiness

I will try not to smile

I won't cry

I will not wish

I will not desire

I won't masturbate and I won't have sex

I won't feel

I will wear grey clothes everyday and shower and shave daily

I will comb my hair

I will not feel

I will read books about self-help and attend meetings with/for people with problems

I won't have friends

I won't go out

I will keep the light on and the door open

I will have three meals a day

I will get off the computer and won't watch so many movies

I will like anything

I won't like a thing

I won't want, I will only need

I'll be neutral and unhappy

For your happiness

Blossoming

This is a conversation I had with my good friend Aaron. I am posting it because I was able to express my thoughts so eloquently that I actually felt satisfied, it's good for a person to feel that. Makes me feel less alone, if anything.

Picture message:

Me: Haha hell yeah, fuck school. I don't even go and i hate it with a passion, i really fucking hate it.

Aaron: I haven't even looked up from my notebook go pay attention. This shit is stupid

Me: I hate the fucking fact that you're no one without a college degree, its the worst part of society. What happened to the good ol days when a nigga that knows how to cut wood could make a living out of it. Now everyone gotta work in bigass corporations like McDonalds or fucking selling donuts. That's why i wanna move to Mexico, cuz i want a job i can choose, not be assigned a fucking job. You're free over there. Then when you're old just retire, make a little house by the beach and live off of the shit you hunt or fish. The perfect life. That's how humans are supposed to be, free. Not tied down and told their every move.

Aaron: That sounds great, like really great. But i need human interaction every once in a while.

Me: Yeah i understand, you're not gonna live too far from a town of course. But a little town, like every person in the town has a successful business because they're the only ones that do that in their town that do that. No globalization. Dude the earthquake in Chile made the earth get off its axis a little. Everyday, from now til eternity will be a few microseconds longer. That might not be a lot now, but in a couple of million years it'll be like a whole year longer.

Aaron: That's fucking awesome. I hope i live to be a million.

Me: Oh hell nah! Boring as fuck. Unless you get to explore the oceans and space. THEN i would wanna live forever, just wander of floating in space forever.

Me: Plastic beach is just too fucking good nigga, blown now. Empire ants sounds too fucking sick, takes a brotha places.

Aaron: Yeah i wanna be a million years old, blunt smoking, bitch fucking and fist pumping like a champ!

*The content of these messages may or may not have been enhanced for better understanding for the reader.

Binary Sunset

I think it's such a shame that we are not part of a binary solar system. Just imagine seeing the sunset(s). George Lucas definitely feels me.

For The Thrill Of It

If humanity knew how small we are compared to the universe we still would not appreciate it. Just how we see ourselves so small compared to the oceans, but still don't see it's important and greatness.

I Don't Know

What are YOU gonna be today?

Whatever I Want

Sometimes I think the only astronauts that they send to space are the ones that are able to not look out of the window when in space. Seeing their insignificant existence next to the immensity of the universe would drive them insane and directly to an imminent death.

Discussing fear and other human emotions.

Yes, I know I just posted something, but I just remembered I do have an interesting topic to talk about. Fear. I posted a bulletin on MySpace talking about something that's been happening to me lately. I'm developing a fear of light in the dark. For example, I'm completely comfortable in a pitch dark room, maybe even more comfortable than in the light. However, when light from the outside somehow leaks into the room, I find it quite mhh, not scary, that's such a vague word. But frightening? It creates some sense of uncertainty in me. Many times people are afraid of the dark, and they're looked upon as immature individuals. "I mean you're a grown man, how can you be afraid of the dark?" But fear is a natural human emotion. And like every other emotion in existence, fear has been very, very well marketed by the media. The public is scared of serial killers, monsters, mutants, the end of the world. But what about the raw fear, the raw emotion of simply being afraid. Before we knew we had to fear criminals, and the unknown. Before civilization was corrupted. I am certain this emotion existed then. In my point of view, fear is energy. Negative energy catalyzed by someone's own conscience or insecurities. I'm learning to open my mind to new alternatives. Lately I've experienced this energy I talk about. Not necessarily the negative one, but simply the feeling that it exists. And believe me, it all sounds very much like bullshit. But I don't mean to talk about a "god" per say, but the feeling that there is an unknown side, even dimension to every single person in this world. I still don't believe there's a bearded man watching our every move, but the feeling that there is more to every one of us than just our material, physical beings. I am NOT talking about a superior being. But a new layer to every one of us' characters. The part of us that is not human.

Is it better to say nothing, than to say something wrong?

What's up ya'll? The two of you that read this lol. Anyways, it's been a while. I went on some much needed break, more like a wild Mexican adventure. Experienced many mind altering situations, so I'm feeling rather inspired. Sounds like bullshit? Maybe so, but guess what? I never gave a shit. Anyways, I HAVE to stop saying anyways. According to research it's quite a habit among Americans though. And I was just about to type "anyways" again. See what I'm saying. Okay whatever, moving on. I had a great fucking wonderful time in Mexico, those great things everyone says about Mexico, parties everyday, booze, MJ, all true, and everyday. Can be dangerous, but fortunately I controlled myself, kinda. So where am I going with this you might ask, quite frankly, I don't know either but I've learned something. It's quite a recreational activity to simply write whatever comes to mind. Not necessarily a free write, but when you know you want to say something just don't know how to say it, it helps to just let your thoughts flow. Lately I've discovered some really good music, which is weird for our times. Gives me some hope. Well I'm going to sleep now, I've got a long day ahead of me tomorrow. Oh yes Friday, how I've missed you. Actually it's not the fact that it's Friday, but the fact that I'm actually gonna do something. Hoping to beat my record tomorrow, going for 5 sessions, wish me luck.

Here, take a listen.