My Expectations for 'The Future'

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My expectations for the future are low to non-existent. More often the latter. Even the concept of 'the future' seems kind of antiquated and outdated for life sometimes. Life's like one big day maybe, like something linear or something.

It has been a long time since I realistically said "I want to be a(n) ________ when I grow up". I think I'm gonna be a student forever. Living for free. Getting money for going to school, even if I don't really want to. I only do it because of the money. I conformed. I'll live life passively and be fed. I feel like a whore sometimes. I don't know what I would be doing if I wasn't going to school. Probably some other thing I would hate. Not that I hate school, I like school. I like learning stuff. I just hate that I'm only going to school because I get to live easy and not because it's my choice or whatever.

I'm probably going to be alone for a really long time. Unless I 'make a move'. There's only one girl I think I may possibly like. But I'm really awkward and don't really know what to do. I forgot how to act around someone I like. If I don't do anything to make something happen with her I'm going to be really mad at myself, possibly for a long time. And I'll just be alone for even more time. I've began writing things around in my room to remind me. I feel motivated. I'll eat bananas because they make me healthy. I'll want to be around. But if that doesn't happen I'll be unhappy.

My life is probably gonna be like this for a while. I'll go through little periods of happiness, then reach new lows. The cycle just started.